This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
