rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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