dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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