My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
