ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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