im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize