I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
