Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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