I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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