i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize