I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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