You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
