i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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