If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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