so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize