So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
