no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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