You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
