So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
