We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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