he was CRYING into my vagina
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
