You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
