i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
