okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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