Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
