yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
