im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
