WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
