pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
