Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
