so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
