Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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