i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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