So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
