I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
