I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
