I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
