im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
