he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
