Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
