If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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