if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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