I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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