Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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