I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can I color on your dick again?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
