Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
