like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
