I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
