hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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