just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
