I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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