I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
