Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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