Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
