let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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