And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
