At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
