Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
