If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dick very happy bro
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
