Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Text me some of your sweat
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