dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need moral support for this bender
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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