Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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